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Software Doesn’t Prevent Bullying, But Self-Esteem Does

Lotte Vesterli on October 18, 2022

Can you prevent bullying with software? I’ve just heard of a startup that offers a system to schools with regular surveys and communication features. Their idea is to build a “social graph” and identify the children who have few connections. These are most likely to be bullied. I don’t think this will “solve bullying” as their marketing claims, but it might have a positive effect in directing teacher attention to the children most at risk.

What I know is that you can reduce bullying by building up self-esteem. A child with high self-esteem is less likely to be a victim of bullying. These children can also much more easily brush off any bullying that does happen without suffering long-term effects. Additionally, children with higher self-esteem are much less likely to bully others.

I work with self-esteem in both children and adults. I call this “bullying vaccination,” and this is one vaccination guaranteed to be without side effects. Contact me if you want to hear more about how I can help you, your child, your school, or your workplace.

Bullying Victims Need Help

Lotte Vesterli on October 14, 2022

Our anti-bullying policies have a huge blind spot: The victim. It is bad enough that only 30% of bullies are called out, but it is a disgrace that only 10% of bullying victims receive any help.

Some people can shake off the effects of bullying, but it might take 30 years. That’s how long it took me to heal myself. Many people I see in my practice have also suffered from the after-effects of bullying for decades. We must train at least one person in each school in basic trauma therapy. I do my part by teaching the RIM method, but I find school systems are unwilling to invest in helping bullying victims. If you are a parent, ask your school what they do to help bullying victims. Unless we all demand a change, nothing will happen.

Netflix is Bad for Your Mental Health

Lotte Vesterli on October 11, 2022

To save your mental health, reconsider your Netflix subscription. A new “true crime” Netflix show is, unfortunately, very popular. And the Netflix recommendation engine will relentlessly promote their most popular shows. If you give in and watch an episode, your mental health will worsen.

Dark and unpleasant content affects everyone, but those who have suffered trauma are affected most. Fictional crime is bad enough, but “true crime” is based on things that actually happened. That makes these shows even harder to shake off.

The painful problem is that most people with traumatic experiences from long ago think that time has healed them. It doesn’t. Time allows the brain to push the memory into the background, but the body still remembers. That’s why some things hit you surprisingly hard. Stay away from “true crime.”

Be Careful How You Use Your Brain

Lotte Vesterli on October 7, 2022

Human mindpower is a double-edged sword. It is inspiring to hear those who power their way to success despite many obstacles. Unfortunately, human mindpower can also be used to bury and ignore traumatic experiences. Because the body remembers, these experiences can hold the victim back for years or decades.

In my practice, I often see clients who insist they just need a little help with one specific thing. Almost always, it turns out they suffer from the after-effects of traumatic experiences. They believed those things were so far in the past they couldn’t possibly matter anymore. But our entire history matters. Get in touch to hear more about how I work and how can help you or someone dear to you.

Seek Diversity

Lotte Vesterli on September 22, 2022

Remember to seek out diversity. In my RIM workshop last week, I had participants from three different countries, and the diversity was very inspiring. People with different backgrounds contribute differently. The more diverse my class is, the more interesting our discussions become, and the more I learn myself.

That’s why enlightened organizations seek diversity: It enables them to make better decisions. Of course, if you are in a leadership position and following me, you already know that. But even if you are not hiring, you can still actively seek out people different from yourself, at work and in your private life. It will inspire and enrich you.

Learning the RIM Method

Lotte Vesterli on September 20, 2022

I’ve just completed this year’s last RIM Essential training. This international class was amazing, eager to dive in deep both learning the skills and working on their own personal development.

They left after five days of in-depth training with new insights and new skills that we will develop over the next three month. Learning RIM is not just a five-day class – you cannot learn to change the lives of your clients in such a short time. That’s why the process also involves practice sessions, feedback, and group coaching sessions over the next months. This way of learning ensures that every student can really absorb the RIM method and can use it in their practice with clients.

RIM (Regenerating Images in Memory) is a method that works with the client’s emotional operating system. By accessing the body memory and bypassing the logic of the thinking brain, we can get straight to the root of longstanding problems. This allows us to let go of old feelings and traumatic memories on a deep cellular level. I am constantly amazed at the results my clients achieve after only one or two RIM sessions.

If you are interested in learning this powerful method and participating in the next training, please get in touch.

How to Fight Bullying

Lotte Vesterli on September 15, 2022

Bullying just cost an American school a million dollars. That was what a judge ordered them to pay to a bullying victim because they did not take reports of bullying seriously. That might make that one school take bullying seriously in the future, but we cannot fight bullying with fines and anti-bullying policies on a piece of paper.

Preventing a bully from bullying is very hard. It is easier to create bullying resilience in children – and adults. We do that by helping them build up their self-esteem. If you know someone being bullied – or at risk – get in touch to hear how I can help.

Increase Your Positive Thinking

Lotte Vesterli on September 13, 2022

Today you’re only supposed to think positive thoughts – September 13th is Positive Thinking Day. The idea of such a day seems ridiculous – what if your car breaks down or your train is canceled? But the deeper reason behind it makes excellent sense.

We are bombarded with negative messages. Advertisers want us to be unhappy and promise that if only we bought their product, we would become happy. News media focus on bad news because more people click on those stories.

To avoid sinking into despair, you need to fight back. It’s all well and good to celebrate Positive Thinking Day. But it’s better to create a habit of explicitly looking for the positive each day. Spend a few moments before bed to review your day and find something positive that happened. It will improve your mood – and your sleep.

Good Leaders Prevent Bullying

Lotte Vesterli on September 8, 2022

Workplace bullying happens much more often in organizations with poor management. An article in the Journal of Occupational Health Psychology examined hundreds of bullying complaints and found that bad people management greatly increased the risk. That might be why anti-bullying strategies focusing on the individual has had so little effect. It also explains why bullying is much more common in organizations where the team leader is simply the person who has been doing the work the longest.

One positive aspect of this finding is that good leaders can prevent bullying. If you are a victim of workplace bullying, you might not need to quit the organization. You might be able to transfer to a team with a good leader instead.

Make the World a Better Place

Lotte Vesterli on September 6, 2022

At the end of next week, the world will be a better place. That’s because another four wonderful coaches and therapists will have learned the powerful RIM technique that I practice and teach. With this tool, they can make even more of a difference for their clients. Happiness spreads like rings in water – when my trainees help their clients improve their lives, others around the clients will be happier. These people affect yet others, who will also become happier.

I encourage you to make a difference for as many people as you can. Everyone can help others every day. RIM practitioners have special training and can help people with serious trauma, and if you want to make the maximum impact in the world, it would be a great idea to learn this method. Next week is my last workshop this year, but there will be others in 2023. If you are curious about what RIM can do, and how you can use it to help others, please contact me.