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Overcoming Bullying – in Life and in the Movies

Lotte Vesterli on March 30, 2023

Who would dare bully Sylvester Stallone? When he was just a kid with a speech impediment due to a partially paralyzed face, everybody did. He managed to pick himself up, first by building his impressive physique in response to additional bullying from his father. But he also wanted to prove that he could think and started writing screenplays. Eventually, he watched a boxing match and was inspired to write the script for “Rocky” in three intense days.

The studio wanted a good-looking actor to play the part of Rocky Balboa, but Stallone insisted he would play it himself. The studio almost gave up on the movie, cut the budget to next to nothing, and expected a flop. But “Rocky” became a sensation and won three Oscars.

I picked myself up after bullying, and I know how hard it is. Though I have not won any Oscars, I have a wonderful life helping other people overcome the effects of bullying. You might still suffer the long-term consequences if you have been bullied, even many years ago. I hope you will schedule a free call on my website to discuss how I can help you.

Sleep is one of the Foundations

Lotte Vesterli on March 14, 2023

Your body affects your mind. It is tough to change your emotions if you lack sleep, exercise, or proper nutrition. Sometimes, when one of my clients is not progressing at the rapid pace I usually see, I ask about these factors.

Sleep Awareness Week in the USA is this week, and the National Sleep Association has many events and good information. That reminded me to get around to reading Matthew Walker’s influential book “Why We Sleep.” Please check it out from your local library and at least page through it. He explains how sleep is critical for mental health and is vital to fight anxiety and depression, how common sleep disorders are, and how to fight them.

If you don’t want to invest in a sleep-tracking gadget, you can write down when you go to bed, when you wake up, and how rested you feel each morning. Then, when you have at least two weeks of data, make one change to your lifestyle. Keep it up for two weeks, and compare your notes with how you slept before you made the change.

Your sleep is one of the foundations for your health and happiness.

Computers Can’t Stop Bullying

Lotte Vesterli on December 6, 2022

Humans understand bullying, but computers don’t. The bullying in online games takes place in real time, so it’s impossible to have human moderators stop it in time. As a second-best thing, gaming companies have maintained lists of banned words. As dictators around the world have found, humans quickly find creative ways around censorship. Unfortunately, that creativity also means that bullies can find ways to hurt others without using any of the words on the banned list.

I can see that advances are being made in Artificial Intelligence so that the computer begins to understand the context of words. That might make them better at detecting bullying. But technology will never save us from bullying.

What does protect against bullying is building up everyone’s self-worth. People who believe they are valuable and important humans don’t bully and are much less affected if they are subjected to bullying behavior.

Bullies are incompetent

Lotte Vesterli on November 17, 2022

Last week, a UK government minister was fired for bullying. Mysteriously, the new Prime Minister brought Mr. Williamson back into government after he had already been fired as a minister twice before over other scandals.

Bullies are often trying to cover their own lack of competence by putting others down. In a cut-throat environment where everybody is fighting everybody else, there will be much more bullying. When looking for a job, ask about their bonus system. A company with large individual bonuses will have more bullying, no matter how many anti-bullying policies they have.

Why do Anti-Bullying Campaigns Still Look the Same?

Lotte Vesterli on November 15, 2022

A campaign is good, but action is better. This week is Anti-Bullying Week in the UK, and I support everything that fights bullying. However, it seems to me that most campaigns are still doing the same thing we did 20 years ago. Since we’re still running these campaigns, maybe our way of fighting bullying hasn’t been terribly effective?

The best way to fight bullying is by helping everyone build up their self-esteem. A person with healthy self-esteem is not a bully, and is able to shrug it off if someone tries to bully them. We’re not seeing many “Self-esteem weeks,” but I am hopeful they are coming.

Vote and Let Go

Lotte Vesterli on November 10, 2022

It’s your duty to vote. Once you have done your duty, you need to move on. The election probably didn’t come out exactly the way you hoped. It never does. But it is unproductive to worry about what will happen next. You make your voice heard at the ballot box, and then you leave the people elected to get on with their job.

I am happy that people are fighting to make the world a better place through political campaigning. But it is a demanding task full of struggle, bad arguments and dirty tricks. If you suffer from emotional trauma, you need to take care of yourself and let others do the political fighting between elections. You’ve done your part.

Fight Bullying by Giving Credit

Lotte Vesterli on November 8, 2022

Bullies are not high performers. But it might look that way. An article on workplace bullying in the Harvard Business Review explains how star performers are often targets. The purpose of this kind of bullying is for the bully to take credit for the victim’s achievements. In an organization with bad leadership, they sometimes succeed. If that happens, the bully is unfortunately considered a valuable high performer and is even less likely to face consequences.

You can fight this kind of bullying by working to create an appreciative environment. Whenever there is an opportunity, publicly thank your colleagues for their good work. This creates a workplace where others will also praise your work. Once everybody is happy to give credit where it is due, the bully has nothing to steal and will often leave the team.

You can Rewire Your Brain

Lotte Vesterli on November 1, 2022

You can rewrite a traumatic memory. Important events are stored in the brain as a combination of the facts and an associated feeling. Scientists are hoping to treat trauma by manipulating neurotensin levels in the brain, but there is another way. Trauma therapists have known for many years that it is possible to regenerate images in memory, and neuroscience is slowing discovering what happens in the brain.

It turns out that every time we access a memory, it gets weaker. Normally, we automatically re-write the same memory. That’s why we don’t notice the process. But when working with a therapist in a situation of emotional safety, we can re-write the memory with a different feeling.

If you want to know more about this process, and how it can help you, I’ll be happy to tell you more. You can book a time to talk at no cost on my website. I hope to hear from you.

Bullying Effects Can Last a Lifetime

Lotte Vesterli on October 26, 2022

We need a higher awareness of how much effect any form of bullying has on kids and adults. The media reports the tragic cases where bullying leads to suicide, but we don’t hear about the traumatization that affects the victim for a lifetime if not dealt with.

We need to alter the way we teach! Besides rules and penalties, we have to teach self-esteem and how to work through emotions throughout the whole school system. High self-esteem makes it easier to deal with the bullying and to report it. And people with high self-esteem are less inclined to start bullying.

Finally an Official Framework for Improving Workplace Mental Health

Lotte Vesterli on October 21, 2022

Toxic workplaces are bad for your health. You knew that, and I knew that. But now even the U.S. Surgeon General has realized it. Normally, the Surgeon General gives advice on smoking, pandemics, and cancer. But yesterday, they issued guidance telling companies to pay more attention to mental workplace conditions.

Some companies take good care of their workers, and they are the ones who have enough employees and low turnover. Others are doing less well, and those are the places that complain about not being able to find workers.

The Surgeon General’s Framework for Workplace Mental Health & Well-Being is a well-written document with both solid arguments for why it matters and what you can do about it. If you are in a leadership position, I encourage you to read it. If you work in an organization doing less than ideally on workplace conditions, I suggest you send a link to HR. You find the report here: https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/workplace-mental-health-well-being.pdf