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An Instruction Class for Life?

Lotte Vesterli on August 23, 2022

We now have vending machines that dispense kayaks. Here in Denmark, anybody is free to book a kayak online, go to the beach, pick up the kayak from the machine and take it to sea.

Those who just do that tend to get into trouble. Those who take a class first are much less likely to have to be rescued from mid-ocean by the coast guard.

Unfortunately, there isn’t a simple instruction class for life. But there are useful tools you can learn. I teach some in my courses, and you can find many of them in my book “Life after Bullying.” Life is sometimes easier if you take the time to learn how your body and mind works.

To Fight Climate Anxiety, Do Something

Lotte Vesterli on August 17, 2022

You can do something to improve the world. It is important for your physical and mental health that you feel you make a difference.

Climate worries are on everybody’s mind here in Europe as we suffer record temperatures and our rivers dry out. A big survey of young people found 45% saying that their feelings about climate change negatively affected their daily life and functioning. Adults with traumatic experiences like bullying or other abuse often have similar feelings.

You can break this feeling and reclaim your life by doing something to fight the thing you worry about. You don’t need to save the world by yourself, but you need to make an effort. You might save energy by driving less, buying vintage clothes instead of new ones, or volunteering in a climate-related charity. When you wrap up your day before going to bed, remind yourself of a situation where you made your own effort to fight climate change.

There is a very big difference between doing nothing and doing something.

Are You Catastrophizing?

Lotte Vesterli on August 12, 2022

Are you Catastrophizing? I didn’t know that word until recently, but I have met clients with this behavior. People who catastrophize imagine a lot of problems, even the most unlikely. For some, this condition places significant limitations on their lives.

The first step in fighting this is to become aware of the mechanism. When you are in a safe place and have time to think, consider which things you have recently decided not to do. Reflect on the reason you said no. If you find that you had a good reason, fine. You are rationally careful. If you no longer think saying no was necessary, then imagine a similar situation in the future. Imagine saying yes. That prepares you and lessens the risk of catastrophizing.

Read Paper Books

Lotte Vesterli on August 9, 2022

Today is Book Lover’s Day. That’s a day for celebrating books and reading, preferably by reading a real printed book. If you have my book “Life after Bullying,” I recommend you re-read one of the tool chapters in part 3. All of the tools in part 3 are effective and useful, but different people need different tools at different times. Skimming part 3 every once in a while reminds you of all the powerful tools you have available. It might inspire you to pick up a new tool that better matches your current place in life.

#BookLoversDay

Could you Unplug for 24 Hours?

Lotte Vesterli on August 6, 2022

August 6th, 2022, is the 3rd Global Day of Unplugging. When you read this, think about if you can put your phone down and stay offline for 24 hours. Many people think they can, but few people have the willpower. Are you up to the challenge? #globaldayofunplugging 

Get Rid of Some Stuff

Lotte Vesterli on August 5, 2022

I’m feeling inspired to get rid of some stuff. Even though I’m pretty good at decluttering, I still get that feeling every year when I come back from our summer cottage. We don’t feel the weight of all our possessions in our everyday lives. But when we have been away on vacation and have been getting on just fine with only what we could have in a suitcase or backpack, we notice the difference.

We can get some of that holiday feeling by having fewer things. Find some stuff you no longer need and recycle or donate it.

Bullying Affects Your for Many Years

Lotte Vesterli on July 29, 2022

Bullying affects the victim for many years. I know that from my own experience and from many of my clients. Science tends to dismiss individual stories like mine as “anecdotal evidence,” but systematic studies of the long-term effects of bullying are starting to prove what I already knew.

Gathering solid proof that the problem exists is a starting point. What we need next is to find the best way to overcome these negative effects. I have learned and used many tools, and my favorite is the RIM method that I now practice and teach. If you have been bullied, even many years ago, contact me and hear how I can help you.

Borrow Success

Lotte Vesterli on July 25, 2022

All of Denmark celebrated yesterday when Jonas Vingegaard from Denmark won the Tour de France. Soccer fans in England, Sweden, Germany, and France are similarly proud that their women’s teams are in the UEFA Women’s EURO 2022 semi-finals.

Only one Dane was first on Col du Granon, but the rest of us are borrowing his success. That is a technique you can use even when you don’t have a countryman or national team to cheer. When you don’t feel you have any of your own achievements to celebrate, be happy for other people’s success. When a team at work reaches a milestone, completes a project, or wins a large order, you can congratulate them and share in the feeling of success. It will lift your mood and inspire you to work towards your own successes.

Is Everyone Quitting Around You?

Lotte Vesterli on July 22, 2022

Are your colleagues quitting their jobs? If one person leaves, that’s probably not a problem. But if several of your colleagues quit in a short time, that is a warning sign. Researchers call this “turnover contagion” – almost like quitting is infectious.

Many people quitting is a sign of a problematic workplace, often caused by a bad leader. If you don’t know why everybody is quitting around you, ask them in private. They might have been affected by bullying or other bad behavior that you were fortunate not to experience yet.

Workplace Bullying Happens Online Too

Lotte Vesterli on July 19, 2022

Workplace bullying happens online, too. Bullying complaints are up 44 percent over last year as organizations struggle to adapt their anti-bullying tools and policies to the new way of working. Increased remote work has shown that some organizations did not fix their bad workplace culture. Instead, they could simply keep bullying down when everyone was in the office.

Finding new tools to suppress online bullying might be possible, but that is just another temporary solution. The only real solution is to change workplace culture, so bullying is not tolerated.

If you are being bullied online at work, your organization has a bad culture. Fixing culture is hard and takes a long time. Finding a new place to work is much faster and easier.