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Protect Yourself

Lotte Vesterli on November 28, 2023

Do you get threats on social media? Unfortunately, many people do. Even those just doing their job as social workers, nurses, politicians, or police officers. Apparently, some individuals find it hard to handle the improved access to communication that the internet provides. It used to be rare that a customer or citizen berated an employee, but it is an unsettling reality for far too many nowadays.

Even if you haven’t experienced anything unpleasant yet, it’s a good idea to check your social media settings. Maybe your Instagram profile should be private, and you might not want everyone to be able to find your Facebook profile. If you are not tech-savvy, ask a friend, colleague, or one of your children to help you strengthen your privacy protection.

The Wounds From Bullying do not Heal Themselves

Lotte Vesterli on September 7, 2023

One participant shared a thought-provoking story at the Langelinie Rotary Club, where I gave a presentation yesterday. He had been bullied in school, and many years later, at a reunion, the bully approached him and offered an apology.

I’ve heard similar stories before. We know that bullying victims suffer for a long time afterward, but the bullies themselves often bear the burden of guilt for years as well. Fortunately, there is a lot we can do to prevent bullying and mitigate its effects. I was also a victim of bullying, but I’ve moved forward in life. Today, I help individuals and organizations prevent bullying and overcome its effects.

Don’t hesitate to contact me if you are a bullying victim or need help to get rid of bullying in your organization.

When You Need Help the Most, You are Least Able to Ask for it

Lotte Vesterli on May 30, 2023

When you need support the most, you are least able to ask for it. One of the common responses to psychological trauma is social isolation. The victim might blame herself or himself, fear others won’t understand, or not want to burden others.

In my practice, I often see family and friends of the victim reach out to me first. They can see that the victim is suffering and not seeking help. If you know anyone suffering the after-effects of trauma, even from long ago, you are welcome to contact me. I can help you help your loved one reach out and seek help – from me or from someone else.

The Bar for Bullying has Been Lowered

Lotte Vesterli on May 2, 2023

The bar for bullying has been lowered, complained the deputy prime minister of the UK. Yes, and that’s long overdue.

Dominic Raab was allowed to resign as justice secretary last month. Otherwise, he would have been fired for bullying. Like most bullies, when their behavior eventually catches up with them, he feels unfairly treated. He feels he was just a demanding boss who got things done. But an investigation showed a pattern of bullying behavior. Each incident might be relatively minor, but they add up to a traumatic experience for the people under him. When enough people think you are a terrible boss, you run out of talent, as people avoid your department.

If your boss is a bully, use the reporting methods available in your organization. As complaints add up, HR and your boss’ boss will notice and take action. Bullying is no longer tolerated, even in a country’s or a large organization’s top leadership.

Overcoming Bullying – in Life and in the Movies

Lotte Vesterli on March 30, 2023

Who would dare bully Sylvester Stallone? When he was just a kid with a speech impediment due to a partially paralyzed face, everybody did. He managed to pick himself up, first by building his impressive physique in response to additional bullying from his father. But he also wanted to prove that he could think and started writing screenplays. Eventually, he watched a boxing match and was inspired to write the script for “Rocky” in three intense days.

The studio wanted a good-looking actor to play the part of Rocky Balboa, but Stallone insisted he would play it himself. The studio almost gave up on the movie, cut the budget to next to nothing, and expected a flop. But “Rocky” became a sensation and won three Oscars.

I picked myself up after bullying, and I know how hard it is. Though I have not won any Oscars, I have a wonderful life helping other people overcome the effects of bullying. You might still suffer the long-term consequences if you have been bullied, even many years ago. I hope you will schedule a free call on my website to discuss how I can help you.

Computers Can’t Stop Bullying

Lotte Vesterli on December 6, 2022

Humans understand bullying, but computers don’t. The bullying in online games takes place in real time, so it’s impossible to have human moderators stop it in time. As a second-best thing, gaming companies have maintained lists of banned words. As dictators around the world have found, humans quickly find creative ways around censorship. Unfortunately, that creativity also means that bullies can find ways to hurt others without using any of the words on the banned list.

I can see that advances are being made in Artificial Intelligence so that the computer begins to understand the context of words. That might make them better at detecting bullying. But technology will never save us from bullying.

What does protect against bullying is building up everyone’s self-worth. People who believe they are valuable and important humans don’t bully and are much less affected if they are subjected to bullying behavior.

Bullies are incompetent

Lotte Vesterli on November 17, 2022

Last week, a UK government minister was fired for bullying. Mysteriously, the new Prime Minister brought Mr. Williamson back into government after he had already been fired as a minister twice before over other scandals.

Bullies are often trying to cover their own lack of competence by putting others down. In a cut-throat environment where everybody is fighting everybody else, there will be much more bullying. When looking for a job, ask about their bonus system. A company with large individual bonuses will have more bullying, no matter how many anti-bullying policies they have.

Why do Anti-Bullying Campaigns Still Look the Same?

Lotte Vesterli on November 15, 2022

A campaign is good, but action is better. This week is Anti-Bullying Week in the UK, and I support everything that fights bullying. However, it seems to me that most campaigns are still doing the same thing we did 20 years ago. Since we’re still running these campaigns, maybe our way of fighting bullying hasn’t been terribly effective?

The best way to fight bullying is by helping everyone build up their self-esteem. A person with healthy self-esteem is not a bully, and is able to shrug it off if someone tries to bully them. We’re not seeing many “Self-esteem weeks,” but I am hopeful they are coming.

Fight Bullying by Giving Credit

Lotte Vesterli on November 8, 2022

Bullies are not high performers. But it might look that way. An article on workplace bullying in the Harvard Business Review explains how star performers are often targets. The purpose of this kind of bullying is for the bully to take credit for the victim’s achievements. In an organization with bad leadership, they sometimes succeed. If that happens, the bully is unfortunately considered a valuable high performer and is even less likely to face consequences.

You can fight this kind of bullying by working to create an appreciative environment. Whenever there is an opportunity, publicly thank your colleagues for their good work. This creates a workplace where others will also praise your work. Once everybody is happy to give credit where it is due, the bully has nothing to steal and will often leave the team.

Bullying Effects Can Last a Lifetime

Lotte Vesterli on October 26, 2022

We need a higher awareness of how much effect any form of bullying has on kids and adults. The media reports the tragic cases where bullying leads to suicide, but we don’t hear about the traumatization that affects the victim for a lifetime if not dealt with.

We need to alter the way we teach! Besides rules and penalties, we have to teach self-esteem and how to work through emotions throughout the whole school system. High self-esteem makes it easier to deal with the bullying and to report it. And people with high self-esteem are less inclined to start bullying.