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Unchecked Power?

Does your boss at work have unchecked power? Over the centuries, we have learned that every power needs to be balanced by some other power. That’s why successful societies have split power between legislature, executive, and judiciary. That’s why companies have HR departments and maybe even whistleblower procedures.

Take a moment to think about how you would report bullying in your workplace. Are your anti-bullying measures effective, or do they exist only on paper? Do you believe somebody would take action? If you are not confident anybody would react, that is a red flag. It doesn’t mean there is bullying in your organization. But it means you cannot feel safe. That will affect your health and wellbeing. You might want to consider changing to another department or another company.

They Can Talk, But You Don’t Have to Listen

Free speech means people can say almost anything. It doesn’t mean you have to listen. Elon Musk has just bought Twitter and wants fewer restrictrions. That will make Twitter an even less welcoming place.

For your mental health and sanity, spend your time on social media in the well behaved corners of the internet. That means moderated groups on places like Facebook and LinkedIn. These groups have human administrators who will react if you report bullying.

Overcome the Effects of Bullying

The science about the effects of bullying is piling up, and it is bad. A recent paper in the Harward Review of Psychiatry showed that a girl who has been bullied is 27 times more likely to have a panic disorder as a young adult. A boy who has been bullied is 18 times more likely to attempt suicide.

Fortunately, there are also very effective methods to overcome the long-term effects of bullying and other psychic trauma. There is not much scientific research yet, but with the RIM method I use, almost every client has experienced a significant improvement with just three to five sessions. I am a Master RIM practitioner and RIM Trainer, and I would love the opportunity to tell you more. Please schedule a free call with me online.

You can also read about the RIM method on my website.

Build Bullying Resilience

Bullying is now a criminal offense in France. There are high fines and the penalties for the most severe bullying go up to ten years in jail. More important than the penalties is the additional teacher training that the new law also provides.

Anti-bullying laws and rules are necessary, but they are only one small part of the fight against bullying. We cannot force the bullies to seek the therapy they need, but we can make sure that bystanders are encouraged to step in. And we can give those at risk of becoming victims tools to improve their self-esteem to prevent bullying from happening. You can find many of the most powerful tools I have found in my book Life after Bullying

Anti-Bullying Rules Must be Enforced

“Eric Lander is a successful researcher, but everyone knows that he is a bully.” That was the comment offered by another researcher when the top science advisor to U.S. President Biden announced his resignation.

I am disappointed that important positions are still filled with bullies. President Biden said that he would not tolerate bullying. However, it was not until Politico magazine had leaked the result of an internal investigation that he was forced to leave. If it hadn’t been for the journalists, Professor Lander would still be bullying his staff.

Getting rid of bullying in the workplace requires 1) rules that bullying will not be tolerated and 2) that the rules are enforced. The White House failed on number 2. Your workplace will have the rules, but if they are not enforced, consider looking for another place to work.

Bullying sticks in the body

You might think that bullying from many years ago no longer affects you, but it does. You might feel that you get stressed before your collagues? People with traumatic experiences like bullying in their past have a lower stress capacity, lower self-esteem and a greater risk of anxiety and depression.

I’d like to help you. I have felt like that and it took me many years to recover from the vicious bullying I was subject to in my childhood. I have written the book “Life after Bullying” to share the method and tools I have used, and use today in my client work. Please check it out, or call me for free to hear how I can help you.

You can read about the book here: https://www.lifeafterbullying.com/book/ and you can book a free intro call with me here: https://calendly.com/lottevesterli/free-intro

Fight Bullying with Your Mind

Social media has made bullying worse. The tone online is much harsher, and people will make horrible comments to complete strangers. That makes it hard for bullying victims and other victims of trauma to participate in open online communities.

It has not been a priority for Facebook, Twitter and others to crack down. Fortunately, politicians and regulators are starting to demand they do more than ban a single bully here and there.

Twitter just rolled out a new feature that looks at a tweet before it is sent. If the software thinks the message is bullying, the user gets a prompt to review the message before it is sent. That’s a good idea and something all social media platforms should implement.

However, your mind is much more powerful than technology. If you work on past trauma and build up your self-esteem, mean comments will not have any power over you. Contact me for free to learn more about how I can help.

Does Your Job Provide Happiness?

Are you one of the oppressed workers of the world? This year, not many places had the traditions large gatherings for International Worker’s Day on May 1st. But many people use this day to reflect on their lives and careers. You are not an oppressed worker in a hard and dangerous job in a British 19th-century steel mill, but you might not be in the right job for you.

There are only so many minutes left in your life, and you are spending many of them on your job. Some people are fortunate to have a job that makes them happy. I’ve been happy in my earlier work helping people as an occupational therapist. I’m even happier now in my own practice helping victims of emotional trauma overcome their past. Other people have a job they are not that passionate about, but which provides the fuel for their life outside work. An old friend of mine has a regular IT job, which pays for him to pursue his passion for playing folk music. He makes enough money to live, to buy and maintain instruments, and travel to the festivals he wants.

Your life is yours to live, and you can choose either path. But if you have a job where you are bullied by your boss, your co-workers, or your customers, you need to find a way to move on to other things.

Workplace Bulling

Working from home has decreased bullying by bosses and co-workers. Workplace bullying often happens in informal conversations, and there are simply fewer of these when working from home. If you find that you are actually happier and less stressed when working from home, that can be an indicator that you were having negative workplace interactions you might not even consciously notice.

Keep a log of how you feel (for example in a journal, as I discussed yesterday). Start now when you are working from home, and continue it once you get back to the office. If you find that you feel worse back in the office, start paying attention to the tone of your interactions at work. There might be subtle bullying happening that you don’t notice. 

Speak Your Voice

Speak Your Voice

”Stupid,” ”Wrong answer,” “Not relevant” were the responses I usually got when I tried to speak up in class. Or I was simply ignored. Over time, my voice began disappearing. It became less and less audible as my internal fear of receiving a harsh reaction and being ridiculed grew. 

During my school years, I had speech therapy multiple times to help me raise my voice. The goal was that my classmates and others could simply hear what I said. I learned to articulate more clearly, to use my body to put more sound into my voice. And yes, it did help in the therapy sessions. But it didn’t raise my voice or made it clearer outside of the safe place in the therapist’s office. Speech therapy tackled the mechanical aspects of my voice issues, but it didn’t address the emotional issues – my extremely low self-esteem and my anxiety. And these were the main reasons my voice had shut down. 

I used to believe I was an introvert. Today, I love networking. I used to think I couldn’t speak in front of others, today I love speaking and teaching around the world. The shift came when I started to work on my limiting beliefs, my anxiety issues and the deep emotional blocks created by my teacher and others who bullied me over the years.  I did it, and you can, too. 

Internal fears and blocking beliefs will define how you show up in your life today. When you choose to work through these blocks, you start to show up differently and can create a different life. As one of my clients said: “With my old belief, I would have taken the boring job as a sales assistant well inside my comfort zone.” Instead, she went for the other offer as a project manager for a major event. Before she was able to take that decision, she had to work on her low self-esteem and the belief that nobody would listen to her. Today, she is happy in her job and can’t believe that she ever considered taking the sales assistant job. 

Are you ready to work through the blocks that stop you? Join my free community where you can find resources to help you move forward in life.