Playing it Safe

Do you always play it safe? We all have our personal risk profiles. Some people climb mountains without safety ropes, while others won’t climb more than two steps up a ladder. People who suffer from anxiety and low self-esteem, like bullying victims, tend to be the most risk-averse. In a pandemic, being careful to adhere to all the guidelines is useful. But in life in general, being over-cautious means you miss out on things you could safely have done.

Researchers in the UK were working with a group of 400 children and found that teaching them chess decreased their risk aversion. In the game of chess, you need to be able to take prudent risks – maybe sacrificing a piece to gain a decisive advantage. Chess was a safe environment for the children to experiment with risk – the worst thing that could happen was that they lost the game.

If you are feeling risk aversion is holding you back, look for a similar safe environment where you can practice taking small risks. If you are anxious about speaking to strangers, join a club or association where everybody has an interest in common. In this environment, it will be easier to ask a stranger a question because you can expect everybody to want to share their knowledge and love of your common subject.

Bullying Immunity

In Japan, some school districts are trying to implement Artificial Intelligence (AI) computer systems to help them respond better to bullying. That’s not as stupid as it sounds.

Ideally, teachers would be aware of the bullying and respond immediately. But Japan has hundreds of thousands of bullying incidents reported each year and don’t have the resources to deal with all of them. The idea of the computer system is to help draw attention to the worst cases so that the anti-bullying and victim support effort can be concentrated where it helps most.

This can be one part of the fight against bullying. But the most important part remains to make sure that everybody has the self-love and self-esteem that will make them immune to bullying.

Notice What You’re Good At

To improve your self-esteem, make a list of the things you’re good at. We tend to look at other people and envy them that they can play an instrument, cook, fix computers, or do other things that we can’t. But we’re not good at appreciating what we’re good at ourselves.

Everybody is good at something, and other people will mention it when they notice you demonstrating your skill at decorating, woodworking, or anything else. Unfortunately, unless we tune in, we don’t hear it. Start your day by saying to yourself: “Today I will notice all the praise I get.” That primes your brain to really listen to the compliments you get. You’ll find you get more than you think.

Self-esteem Against Bullying

October is National Bullying Prevention Month, and there are also bullying prevention weeks and days. These efforts are misnamed and should be called “bullying awareness” instead. Preventing bullying is not something that happens in one day, week, or month.

To prevent bullying, and to lessen the impact when it does happen, we need to work on self-esteem. That is a long-term effort. Teachers can include it in the curriculum, but once we leave school, we are on our own. If you have been the victim of bullying, look for tools that help you improve how you feel about yourself.

When the scared kid is holding your client back

Image by Pixabay

The emotions where visible, when my resent client talked about, how he kept stopping himself for moving forward. He would start on a project, and then, when he had completed just over half the project, “things” got in the way.

Using the emotions as a doorway in. We went back to a situation in childhood, where he had been ridiculed in front of the class for a project, he had spent quite an amount of time on. As he sensed himself in the classroom, he could hear his classmates laugh, and feel how his whole body had tensed up to keep him from crying. And he realized that the little boy right there, had made a decision to never complete a project again, in order to protect himself from being hurt once more.

Guiding my client into a dialog with his younger age self, he was able to comfort the young self and support him in moving through the emotions. And they both realized, that completing projects was something they truly wanted.    

Later that week my client happily shared with me how he had gone home and worked on his recent project. And had completed it within a few days.

Being able to use the emotions as a doorway into helping our clients, is an effective way to uncover and work through the roots to our clients problems. And RIM (Regenerating Image in Memory) is a great tool to have in your toolbox, when you are searching for the best way to help your client.

You can learn more by participating in a free online group demonstration. Here you can get a taste of how RIM can benefit yourself and your clients and learn more about the RIM method. Sign up to join the next available call here

Doing the webinar you will be guided through a group RIM experienced. Doing the discussion afterwards, you will learn more about the RIM method, have time to ask your questions, and find out if RIM is a good fit for you. Sign up here  

To Learn more about the RIM method and upcoming trainings Click here

Speak Your Voice

Speak Your Voice

”Stupid,” ”Wrong answer,” “Not relevant” were the responses I usually got when I tried to speak up in class. Or I was simply ignored. Over time, my voice began disappearing. It became less and less audible as my internal fear of receiving a harsh reaction and being ridiculed grew. 

During my school years, I had speech therapy multiple times to help me raise my voice. The goal was that my classmates and others could simply hear what I said. I learned to articulate more clearly, to use my body to put more sound into my voice. And yes, it did help in the therapy sessions. But it didn’t raise my voice or made it clearer outside of the safe place in the therapist’s office. Speech therapy tackled the mechanical aspects of my voice issues, but it didn’t address the emotional issues – my extremely low self-esteem and my anxiety. And these were the main reasons my voice had shut down. 

I used to believe I was an introvert. Today, I love networking. I used to think I couldn’t speak in front of others, today I love speaking and teaching around the world. The shift came when I started to work on my limiting beliefs, my anxiety issues and the deep emotional blocks created by my teacher and others who bullied me over the years.  I did it, and you can, too. 

Internal fears and blocking beliefs will define how you show up in your life today. When you choose to work through these blocks, you start to show up differently and can create a different life. As one of my clients said: “With my old belief, I would have taken the boring job as a sales assistant well inside my comfort zone.” Instead, she went for the other offer as a project manager for a major event. Before she was able to take that decision, she had to work on her low self-esteem and the belief that nobody would listen to her. Today, she is happy in her job and can’t believe that she ever considered taking the sales assistant job. 

Are you ready to work through the blocks that stop you? Join my free community where you can find resources to help you move forward in life. 

Goal Setting

It’s the start of 2019, and many people are setting goals. How can you make it more likely that you achieve yours?

First, you need to own your own life. This gives you the capacity to own and achieve your goals.

If you’re not achieving your goals, there is probably something blocking you. Your feelings today are often caused by something that happened in your past. One of the things I experience very often in my practice is that people who have been bullied early in life have a low self esteem. They are having a hard time to achieve what they really want because they do not believe they can. Once you have worked on your self esteem to make it possible to will make it more likely that you achieve your goals.

I’m talking a lot about how to conquer your past and increase you self-esteem in my new book Life after Bullying. You can buy it on Amazon.com or other major bookstores.

Happy new year

I wish for you that 2019 will be filled with happy memories.

For me, this holiday was especially exciting and a little scary: After a long gestation period, my book Life After Bullying – Three Steps to Inner Peace was finally published.

In Life After Bullying, I share my journey, how I came to love myself again, became confident and started to trust myself and others again. It wasn’t always easy, but with support and slowly finding the right tools, I made it. And now that I have realized we all have unknown potential inside of us, I keep moving to the next level.

However, Life After Bullying isn’t just a book about me. It is a toolbox that guides you through the steps I know can help you in taking your life to the next level. Over the past 6 years, I have helped many clients from around the world who suffer from a traumatic past. Based on my own journey and theirs, I have developed a path with three essential steps that take you from a debilitating lack of self-esteem to owning your own life.

The steps are:

  1. Preparing the ground, where you create a strong foundation by acknowledging yourself and the knowledge you have acquired.
  2. Creating your blueprint for success, which guides you towards the right goal. Knowing what you want out of your life gives you the road to success.
  3. Building your ideal life, where you learn tools to support you in creating your new life. Tools to let go of your past and build the life you dream of.

Learn more about Life After Bullying by visiting the book website at www.lifeafterbullying.com or buy it here.
I wish you all the best for the upcoming year.