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Reprogram Your Brain

Lotte Vesterli on May 19, 2022

Are you using your brain right? The human brain has two thinking systems: A fast system and a slow system. The slow system is for carefully considering situations, and it uses a lot of energy. The fast system provides quick answers in routine situations and uses much less energy.

Our brains have evolved over thousands of years to automatically select which system to use. In every situation, the fast system gets the first try. In 98% of all cases, the fast system comes up with what it thinks is a good answer, and doesn’t even ask the slow system.

Fortunately, you can use the slow system to re-program the fast system. To change your behavior, think about a situation in advance and tell yourself what you want to happen. Your fast system might automatically say yes when your boss asks you to do one more thing today. Tell yourself that next time, you will say that you will do the task tomorrow. Simply stating your goal tells your fast thinking system that the automatic response is no longer the right answer.

Talk Nicely to Yourself

Lotte Vesterli on May 17, 2022

How do you talk to yourself? When our actions lead to bad outcomes, we blame ourselves. That is OK if it leads us to reflect on our behavior and do better next time.

But the language we use when we blame ourselves is sometimes much worse than we would ever use with other people. If a colleague makes a mistake, we don’t call her stupid. But we might call ourselves stupid. Don’t do that. Talk to yourself at least as politely as you talk to others.

What Impossible Goals Could You Achieve?

Lotte Vesterli on May 12, 2022

Could you land a plane? Right now, sitting in your chair, you think it would be impossible. But if you were in the air and your pilot fell unconscious, you would be able to land the plane. A passenger with no flying experience found himself in that situation above Florida yesterday. With assistance from an air traffic controller, he successfully landed the small aircraft.

Many things we think are impossible really aren’t. Once we start, we find that we can do more than we thought. We find people who want to help us. We find resources that we didn’t realize existed. The challenge is to break free of our own limiting beliefs. To help yourself dream bigger, it is useful to ask the question “what would I do if I knew I could not fail?”

Once you have set a goal, take one small step towards it today. If you take no action today, you are not likely to take any action tomorrow. But if you take one small step today, you are likely to take another tomorrow. The difference between zero actions and one action is huge. Take that one action today.

You can read much more about setting and achieving goals in my book “Life after Bullying.” The tools in the book are general and can help anyone. Read more about the book here: https://www.lifeafterbullying.com/book/

The Effort is Within Your Control

Lotte Vesterli on April 6, 2022

You control the effort, not the results. If there is anything in your life you want to change, you can take action today to move towards your desired goal. You might not know exactly what action to take. That is fine – then the action today is to determine what action you need to take tomorrow.

You are not in full control of what direction your life takes. Your environment, other people, and chance all play a part, too.

That is why the focus of your daily review before bed should be on the action you took today, not the results you experienced.

Prepare a Stress Response Anchor

Lotte Vesterli on March 29, 2022

Hitting someone is a bad response. At the Oscars ceremony, one of the hosts made a joke about an actor’s wife, and the actor stormed up on stage and slapped the host in front of 15 million TV viewers. No matter how bad or tasteless the joke, physically hitting out is the wrong way to react.

Instead, prepare a stress response in advance. One powerful technique is called “anchoring” where you connect a physical feeling to an emotional state. Sit in your favorite place, listen to your favorite music and think of all the good things that have happened in your life. As you really feel good, press your thumb against your middle finger. Say in your mind “I am anchoring this good feeling in my body.” Do this several times on different days.

When faced with a stressful situation in the future, you can call upon your anchor. Touch your thumb against your middle finger and you will feel the calm you have stored in advance. If you see Will Smith, feel free to pass this tip to him.

Try a Less Smart Phone

Lotte Vesterli on March 22, 2022

Have you considered a ‘dumbphone’? We all have smartphones in our pockets full of apps to entertain and distract us. 15 years ago, we had phones that could only make calls and send text messages. More and more people are returning to simpler phones. They find that it gives them more focus and more creativity, and they spend more time with friends.

I still have a smartphone. But I also have a very simple phone I take with me when I head to our summer cottage for my annual silent retreat, or simply to spend time focused on something. With my simple phone, I am not totally isolated. But everything that happens in the world and on social media must wait until I am back home. Try buying a second-hand simple phone and spend one day a week with just that. The change can be dramatic.

Stop Your Technology from Distracting You

Lotte Vesterli on March 18, 2022

To create something, you need focus. I do my journaling on paper because a sheet of paper will not suddenly interrupt you with an unimportant message. When I am in focus mode, I have notification off on my phone and my computer. When writing on the computer, I use the “focus” mode in Word that removes all the menus and covers everything on my screen but the document.

You need to take a moment to figure out how to bend your technology to your will. If you can’t figure out how to disable notifications and noise, have a friend or family member help you.

Single Tasking Day

Lotte Vesterli on February 22, 2022

Today 2/22 is “Single Tasking Day.” That’s a made-up holiday, but there is a serious purpose behind it. We pride ourselves our ability to multi-task, but we are not really good at it. Unless one of the tasks is completely automatic – like walking or breathing – we are not actually multi-tasking. We are just switching our attention between several tasks. And every time we switch, we lose a little (or a lot) of time before we are productive on the new task.

Celebrate Single Tasking Day by selecting one task from your long list of half-finished tasks, and work on that one until it is complete. Every incomplete task takes up space in your mind. Notice how you feel lighter and more in control of your life once you can cross that task completely off your list. #SingleTaskingDay

Anti-Bullying Rules Must be Enforced

Lotte Vesterli on February 17, 2022

“Eric Lander is a successful researcher, but everyone knows that he is a bully.” That was the comment offered by another researcher when the top science advisor to U.S. President Biden announced his resignation.

I am disappointed that important positions are still filled with bullies. President Biden said that he would not tolerate bullying. However, it was not until Politico magazine had leaked the result of an internal investigation that he was forced to leave. If it hadn’t been for the journalists, Professor Lander would still be bullying his staff.

Getting rid of bullying in the workplace requires 1) rules that bullying will not be tolerated and 2) that the rules are enforced. The White House failed on number 2. Your workplace will have the rules, but if they are not enforced, consider looking for another place to work.

You Have to Touch

Lotte Vesterli on February 10, 2022

When you have lived with the same partner for a long time, it can feel like something is missing. One of the most important things you can do for your relationship is to make sure you physically touch several time each day. It does not have to be a bear hug or anything sexual. Any simple touch trigger oxytocin in the body, and that strengthens trust and connection between you. Find a way to touch the shoulder, arm, or hand of your partner every day and feel the difference.